I suffer writer’s block on a daily basis.
Since young, I’ve loved to write, but the stuff I want to write about never seems to appear in my head. There have been times I spent days, weeks, and months wanting to write.
But when it’s me vs. the page, I get destroyed.
Advice I’ve found recently is to live. If you do that, then this writing thing will come naturally. So I did that for a while, and I’m able to write now. However, what I’m going to write isn’t going to be anything amazing.
Why? ‘Cause my life’s an introvert’s life.
Yes, the viral lifestyle, popularized as a way to seem mysterious, intelligent, and surprisingly sexy for a few. But, I’m here to tell you that’s bullshit.
An introvert’s life is very different from Insta posts. I’ll use mine as an example.
When I wake up in the morning, I’m absolutely fried. I stumble into the bathroom, one eye barely open, ready to take on 14 hours of classes, cardio, and conversation. Now, people assume that the thing introverts find the hardest to conquer is the third, for it’s assumed we’re allergic to talking. That’s true (to an extent), but I’m here to tell you we don’t go days without conversation.
In fact, Carl Jung, the guy who came up with the terms introvert and extrovert said that no one can ever be at one end of the spectrum completely.
“throw a guy like dat in da asylum dawg. gng shud never c da light of day” is what I most confidently believe he said.
It’s just that we avoid it with people we know we can’t speak that well with. Strangers are usually avoided, as small talk feels like captaining a sinking ship to me. Sometimes, even talking to homies is like that, but worse ‘cause you know, they’re homies.
But all of that is flipped when it’s people we’re chill with.
If I talk to a friend and we’re both on the same wavelength, the conversation can go for hours on end. This isn’t only for one guy–it’s for everyone. The reason why introverts don’t talk too much is because they don’t find anyone they can relate to 80% of the time. The 20% they do, they’re just as talkative as House, but hopefully less annoying.
So if you can find one thing that interests an introvert, expect nonstop yap for a while.
When I usually come back from school, I’m absolutely fried again; now my brain is fried too. With the peril of homework and classes ahead of me, I feel hopeless and drained at the moment. So what do I do? I make hot chocolate, get comfortable in my bed, and read a book.
At least, that’s what Insta says (once again).
Introverts don’t only read books; that’s just as superficial as being “performative” is. People have passions, people have delights, and both usually differ between them. Me? I like movies. I find that starting up my TV and watching a new film is the perfect way to relax. Although it seems very generic, it serves a big purpose.
It keeps me at peace.
It’s general knowledge that introverts have a “social battery” which they need to recharge by being alone, but what people don’t know is how hard solitude really is. The idea of going hours without any communication at all except for your thoughts sounds brutal, so imagine how it is to actually go through that. Just you and your inner thoughts.
A daydreamer’s paradiso and an overthinker’s inferno.
Fortunately I’m part of the former, but I know many who suffer from the latter. And that’s why introverts like to pick up things like movies, books, games, and other skills; akin to how extroverts talk to many people as a brain break, it’s the same thing for us. We spend our time doing something nonverbal instead of verbal to reset, and even that becomes a whole clique.
Tough times, man.
Now, I can go on for a hot minute with these, but I’m really not trying to do all that. So I’ll just end it like this:
When I brush before sleeping, I usually think about the highlights of my day. And in that daily rewind, I particularly focus on my discussions: who I talked to, what I talked about, and if I talked well.
It’s been years, and I’ve always given myself a mid rating for communication. Why? I just can’t think right off the top of my head in a conversation, and by the time I get something to say, I either go unheard or the topic switches.
This is a bad habit that became worse over time, for the constant ignorance I was shown when talking really affected my ability to converse. The result? I would talk nonsense, and say a lot of bad things. Once I reaped what I sowed, I would go days without saying anything.
This didn’t only hurt my connections, but my confidence. “If I can’t even say a sentence properly, what hope do I have in my future?” This was a wrong attitude I learned to right in the past few years. How? By understanding that it’s not a problem with my introversion, but with my mindset.
And mindsets can always be changed.
By accepting that I’m just not that talkative, I decided to take the trial-and-error approach. Talk about something that I find interesting along with others? Point noted. Say something that doesn’t get the best response? Point also noted. This mental list of topics and habits to maintain has helped me develop a close-knit circle of friends who truly serve the purpose of friendship: to be refreshed when spending time with them. There are days, of course, where I feel completely empty while/after talking with them, but there hasn’t been a day that went by where I regretted coming to meet them.
That, I think, is the true introvert’s dream. And I finally sleep, ready for everything to start again tomorrow.